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bothersome

by bothersome

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1.
tourniquet 01:55
i've never been angry like this before, like i don't fight for nothing but, i've been fighting, holding onto your collar and spinning around. if nothing matters anymore, then how much blood do i actually need? how much sleep can i apply to this? the pressure alone is like a tourniquet // so little matters anymore like, i believe in nothing but i've been praying, sliding off of the mattress and rolling around. we never had the same intentions, i was shaking as i went to leave, but if it all just amounts to nothing, like, how much blood do i actually need?
2.
i'm not sure if heavens there, but all of my past lives made me believe in hell and ghosts. i wanted to be a ghost so badly, i started haunting the hallways to hear what you're saying. what do you mean i'll never change? i never feel the same, i'm always changing my mind. what does it mean to be alive? i can't decide, i'm always wasting my time // inspired by the phoenix i set everything on fire but i don't rise from the ashes i burn, burn, burn. but i wanted to be your light so badly, i just didnt mean like this, i'll just go and get lit. why do you think i never call, and i never come around? it's like i'm wasting my time. what does it mean to be a man? i can't decide, i guess i'll never understand
3.
concrete 02:28
i want to break my skin, i want to feel brand new, the times you didn't know that i was watching you, i never was as smooth as you gave me credit for, but i've let it slide so often i forgot what we started for // i think i lost my mind when i turned eighteen, i don't know how but it's all coming back to me, i said "i'm tired of the space she kept me waiting for", he said "i'm glad you don't treat yourself that way anymore." /// i grew too weak to hold you, i got too stoned to call you back, i never want a love like that again // i counted five fresh bruises and my missing teeth, you smell like flowers pushing spaces between concrete, i'm stuck between that night at her parents house and the day he'd eventually stop coming around.
4.
Emily 03:38
a different version of me showed up to that party, kissed you on the cheek, and took you back to a room where said what i'd do to get you out of those clothes, then we didn't go home alone // a different version of me snuck out while you were sleeping, i was careful not to leave a trace of me in your room so when you woke up i would feel like i memory that i let you keep, and i let you sleep // a different version of me called until you answered but when you finally did i didn't know what to say, so i stumbled through words, through half-assed apologies because i always thought you should apologize to me // a different version of me got drunk and drove home but i didn't have the guts to go out like that. i don't believe in god so i don't know who i'm talking to, i just wish it was you /// when i speak it comes from this part of me, that must have been stuck in the tar in my lungs, or the clots in my blood, come on now, emily, i'm not who i was when you told me you loved me
5.
i don't want to be here, i don't want to mean anything, and i don't want to sound desperate but i know that you don't need me. i've been drinking, i've been in my own head, i must be a thousand miles away, now i don't want to be here, and i don't want to mean anything // i don't want to be here, this party's not what you'd said it'd be, it's just you and your girlfriend. isn't she getting sick of me? i've been standing over your bathroom sink for the better part of an hour now i don't want to be here, and i don't want to mean anything /// i don't want to die but it's hard to get better / i don't want to die, die, die /// i don't want to see you, i know that you called me twice today, but the last time that you saw me, you left me dripping in the doorway, never said sorry, uncovered my angles until i was too sharp to leave. i was a man made lake and then you came, your desert mouth drank all of me /// but i know that i'm not blameless, i know i must have drowned you. there's no use in waiting through inclement weather, i don't want to die but it's hard to get better
6.
purpose 03:19
you don't care what i'm doing but you noticed i've been gone. i stopped leaving you those messages and writing on your wall. i've been searching for purpose buried deep in my home but i never found god just found new ways to get stoned // you don't care that i'm gone but you wonder what i'm doing, i'm either running late or jumping to conclusions. it's not my intuition i hate that i never trust it, it's not just my body i hate everything it touches /// i've got this temper but don't have the nerve, if it never gets better, does it stop getting worse? i was shooting for stars but got stuck in the city, i'm fizzling out and no one's coming with me /// it's not just my body i hate everything it touches, and it's always touching something

about

My first EP is dedicated to constantly and consistently growing and learning to make a home inside your body. The following people have contributed to my growth as a person and as a musician:
Amanda Crouch, who has always believed in me and my words, and encouraged me to accomplish more. Liam Ezra Dickinson, the best little brother I could ever choose, always in my corner, and always growing together. Jude Ess, an exceptional bandmate, friend, housemate, and noisemaker - ready to rock! Allison Wolfe, the best behind a camera, the best friend, the best partner and an extremely talented person who inspires me. Margaret Romero and Audrey Romero, both incredible musicians and a pleasure to work with, and most importantly good employees.
Thank you for listening and caring.
<3 Adam

credits

released January 28, 2019

All tracks Recorded by: Adam Hawley, Jude Ess, Audrey Romero & Mags Romero @ Good Employee Studios

Mixing/Mastering by: Mags Romero at Good Employee Studios Pittsburgh, PA

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bothersome Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania

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